Weaving a Wildflower is a memoir woven in prose and poetry of a daughter tirelessly trying to detach from her mother’s womb as she goes through cycles of storming, breaking, aching, purging, grieving, longing, shedding and finally weaving back her kinship to her self and to the motherland that provided her with the wisdom she endlessly searched for. 

The journey is not an easy one for the daughter, an adoptee at age 4, who had kept her love and deep longing for her birth mother a secret from everything and everyone around her. However, when the moment came to connect with her birth mother, the emotional storm that resulted from that reunion was not something she had expected. Deep inside, she believed healing only happens in union as she comes to discover that love has many meanings and detachment is one. 

This process of releasing and reclaiming, of letting go and letting in, requires the daughter to walk journeys that are painful and lonely as she struggles to understand and find peace and meaning in detaching from this instinctual bond that connects her to her mother. Deep inside she is fighting this rupture with all her force. Her natural instinct is to move towards the mother and not away from her. 

With the long silent grief she carried along the years, her mother grew like a forest in her home obstructing her view of the world outside and the world inside. With such a loss that went unnoticed without any compassion or recognition from the world around her, it remains incomplete, silent, and secretive. When there are no closures and no goodbyes, the daughter will have to make up her own closure. But how to create closure when the mother is not there? 

This is the world that is locked in an adoptee, a world of loss and longing, a longing for home and union as the daughter tries to fill in the holes her mother had left. Along the way, she comes to discover that her cords have been so intricately entangled with her mother’s that she will need to untangle one string at a time from a yarn of infinitely intertwined strings. She later finds that the only way to her freedom is to find her own threads and weave her own web even if that meant waning from her mother’s warm and tender womb. 

Weaving a Wildflower explores storytelling as a doorway for freedom and liberation shedding light on the many narratives we hold within our selves and the healing we find in rewriting and retelling the stories of our lives. There exist many truths to a story and the author through her memoir writes for her own healing a story that longed to find its voice and its storyteller.  

weaving is medicine

inside those threads,

you will find all that your spirit has been longing for

and all that you’ve been running away from 

go where it hurts most

and start from there

you will see that the dark and the light

are so intricately entangled

that you will need to untangle them

one string at a time

from a yarn of infinitely intertwined strings 

often

the hurt is

too big

too full

that it consumes every part of us 

between the running away and being pulled to find our ground

we are lost, detached from our core, and the origin of our hurt

if you don’t allow it to come out of you, it will always consume you

and you will run for a long time. 

one

string

at

a

time 

even in the face

of fragility and fear

of hurt and heartbreak

we can still pause

we can still choose

here i am in a parallel universe

where new things are possible now

there is hope for new stories

to fuse and flux and flow in new horizons

come, let’s dance

in and out of our hurt and suffering

in between our losses and longings

let’s sing all the hymns that our ancestors could not

let’s ring all the bells of the pain we buried here

we shall sing

hymns of harmony and healing

hymns of liberty and salvation

hymns of endings and beginnings

let’s dance, you and i, in the center of it all 

i am weaving my mom out of my system

her knots have been so tightly entangled with mine

that i no longer recognize those that are mine

from those that are hers

i am lost and painfully coming to learn

all the ways the mother wound had manifested in my life

and now i am coming back to cut cords

i no longer want a life that keeps me small

those invisible threads that connect me to her

i cut i cut i cut and i weave them back into my core

and in this container of the mother and the daughter

i swing, i sway, i swirl like an insane pendulum

there are times when i am afraid

to let go of mom’s knots

i want to keep my hands woven and braided and entangled

with hers

to find safety and belonging in the midst of her threads

to imagine i am a little girl again

feeling loved and nurtured

but in this space

i am neither hers nor am i mine